If you're visiting aging parents during the holidays you could be in for a shocking surprise. The pristine house and yard of the past may now look shabby and neglected. Dirty dishes may fill the sink and the kitchen table may be covered in crumbs. Are unopened bills stacked haphazardly all over the countertops? Does Mom seem unfocused? Is Dad having trouble getting around? It's clear that help is needed. But what should family members do?
Take advantage of the time when everyone is gathered together to initiate a conversation with parents and family members about "what if" scenarios and health and financial concerns.
According to a representative of Eldercare Link, one of the nation's leading free eldercare referral services, the week after Thanksgiving historically generates more inquiries from worried family members than any other time of the year.
The holidays are a good time for family members to be alert for signs that elderly relatives may need help -- physical, mental or financial. Look for signs of change in mood, health and living conditions. Checking in with people who visit the relative frequently can indicate whether there have been recent changes.
Some signs to look for include:
- personal hygiene problems
- home in disarray or needing to be cleaned
- weight loss or weight gain -- check for spoiled food or insufficient food at home
- failure to manage medications or medical appointments
- increased difficulty with mobility (such as climbing stiars or using a bathtub)
- changes in judgent, mood or overall behavior
- increased forgetfulness -- check for unopened mail or unread newspapers
- missed bill payments or other financial difficulties
- unusual or extravagent purchases that are out of character
- decreased social activities or failing to maintain friendships
Don't panic if you recognize a few changes. Some are simpy part of the aging process. Slowing down doesn't automatically mean that your parents re ready for an assisted living facility or to move in with you.
This is a good time to talk about concerns and ask parents what kind of help they would like. Start researching the options. There are many organizations that can provide expert advice about a range of senior services, ranging from home health aides, visiting nurses, Meals on Wheels and adult day care to financial planning and legal issues.
While you are visiting, take a look around and learn more about services available in or near the community where your parents live. Visit facilities, contact senior organizations, take notes and start a file so you will know whom to call when something does need to be done.
When you get back home, check out some of the websites offering devices that can help safeguard your parents and ease your worries. Video monitors, for example, enable you to keep an eye on how your parents are coping, and automated medication carousels ensure that they are taking their pills in the right dosage and at the right time.
If you feel there are legal, financial and insurance questions that need discussion, go to the National Association of Area Agencies on Aging website at http://www.eldercare.gov/ for a checklist of these topics.
One of the most difficult aspects of dealing with aging parents is dealing with siblings, other family members and outsiders. Everybody has an opinion or an agenda. Encourage everyone in your family to really listen to one another, respond with respect, keep a sense of humor, and stay focused on providing your parents with the best possible quality of life.
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